I HUNTED AND FISHED TODAY

 I started hunting, then went fishing, earlier today,

I shot a big moose, and took three small crappies from the bay,

I hung the moose up to bleed out,

Ate the crappies; wished they were trout,

Tomorrow I'll butcher the moose, that will take me all day.

I DID NOT DO THE PROTEST THING, BUT I GOT SOME PIE

 I went to join a protest, but I could not find the right street,

So I popped into a diner, to get me something to eat,

The food that caught my one good eye,

Was a strawberry rhubarb pie, 

I spilled my fresh, hot coffee on my shoes, then l had wet feet.

POTASSIUM: THE POEM

 I've been eating potassium; a lot of potassium I consume,

If I don't consume lots of potassium, the doctor foretells my doom,

I eat it when I date my hot sweetie,

I eat it when I feed my bird, called twenty,

I eat 6-7  pounds of ripe bananas, when I come onto Zoom.

THERE'S THESE THINGS CALLED GROCERIES, AND THEY KEEP ME ALIVE

 I was told at the hospital, that I need to start buying groceries; I asked why?

The hospital told me to buy groceries and eat, or I could starve and also die,

I went to the grocery store,

Bought a few things, couldn't afford more,

I bought enough food to last 3 days, but to a weeks wages I said a bigly bye.

ANOTHER SPACESHIP EXPLODES

 My rocketship blew up in my neighbor's backyard,

Destroyed the neighbors garage, and his house, it charred,

I know that he'll surely sue,

There is nothing I can do,

It's just building a working rocketship is hard.🚀

FROM PORK CHOPS IN EAST LANSING TO WISCONSIN HOPS

 I went to Lansing to buy some fancy, smoked, pork chops,

I was arrested for speeding by the local cops,

I went to the local county court,

To prison I received an escort,

To a work farm in Wisconsin that raises beer hops.

MORNING BREAKFAST WITH MA AND GRANDMA, OH DEAR

 Bill cut his head hair real short, except in the front he left long bangs,

The bang hair is 10 inches long, and over his whole face it hangs,

Our ma tells him, he looks like a balding, fat fool,

Grandma just sits, while ma wipes away grandma's drool,

It's this kind of morning breakfast, that got me to join some street gangs.

THE COWBOY, BAD BOB BILL

 My big daddy named me, Bad Bob Bill,

I'm a cowboy, and coyote I kill,

When they get through my fence,

I get feeling intense,

Sometimes I have to take my heart pill.

THEY BROKE MY BONES WITH A STARE AND A GIGGLE

 I bought me a scooter, but it has only one big wheel,

I stand when I ride it; and I show off my sex appeal,

When all the ladies looked at me,

The ladies were all I could see,

I ran into a parked pickup; it's months before I heal.

SEASONAL ARRANGEMENTS

 It's fall in Northern Michigan; bears are getting fat, and neighbors are becoming rare,

Possums have chewed their way into the basement of my house, while mice scoot everywhere,

Where I hang my fedora hat,

There hibernates a giant bat,

A cougar is claiming the rest of my house, his teeth and claws make the world unfair..

THE PHILOSOPHER

 The demon Natas, spread evil all the night and day long,

He spread it through his dramatic, philosophical song,

He said, "when money is tight,

You don't have to do what's right",

So, with Natas we have fallen, his philosophy being wrong..

MY BROKEN CLOCK AIN'T IN STOCK

 My little China clock,

It use to go tick tock,

Then it hit the slate floor,

It was a clock no more,

Couldn't replace; no longer in stock.

NOBODY GETS IN MY TIGHTS, BUT ME

 Big and little bed bugs, and some voracious, eater mites,

Cause itching, scratching in my newly purchased, dancer tights,

I then bigly, bug sprayed,

A protest they displayed,

It seems my tights invaders, are claiming their human rights.

HOSPITALIZATION VS. BITER MITE INFESTATION

 I went into the hospital, because I could not scratch an itch,

I was forced to stay 100 days, so the big shots could get rich,

I was stomach ill, and peeved,

The hospital food I heaved,

I yelled for a nurse for so long, my voice lost it's manly, man pitch 

I DANCED THE SQUARE AT THE BIG FAIRY FARE

 I went to the capitol to the big fairy fare,

Politicos and the mythologicals were wandering, there,

I rode a unicorn,

Cut my hand on his horn,

I danced with some trolls, in a dance they called square.

SWEET CANDY CIGARETTES, AND ALL THE DEAD GRANDPARENTS

 I went looking for some sweet, candy cigarettes for my kid,

I could not find them anywhere, like their existence is hid,

My kid is really, tantrum mad,

He wants to smoke like mom and dad,

Kid never knew any gramps or grandmas; cigs killed them all, sad.

THE GROCERY STORE CLERK

I once worked in a grocery store,
Where my job performance was rated poor,
For my productivity was nill,
My shelves I didn't fill,
But, in the backroom I'd put in a good snore.
http://limericksandstuffbyleighcollinbrandt.blogspot.com

THE DINGO, THE BLUE FAIRY, AND THE UNICORN THEY RODE IN ON

 Dave the dingo lived on Lake Michigan with a real tiny, blue fairy,

They lived in a small houseboat, and when the wind blew, it made the boat airy,

They ate for breakfast, toasted tarts,

Sticky honey buns gave them farts,

They road on a pet flying unicorn, although the landings were scary.

ANOTHER WORLD WAR

 It is another big, world war,

That's why I've been shopping at the store,

I bought many types canned goods,

Dozens of radiation hoods,

Now I have sealed my bomb shelter door.

I HAD FISH WITH A STICKY HONEY BUN

 His house specialty is salmon, the chef's name is Mr. Pardeau,

Tonight Mr. Pardeau served me fried salmon stakes, carved from a coho,

The stake was truly divine,

Especially, after wine,

For desert I got a honey bun, and a gin he said was, "slow".