PAULSON PAWNED HIS PORN

 Paulson took his porn down to the family run pawn store,

He dreamed of getting $1,000,000, maybe much .more,

The store was owned by mom and pop,

They poured through the porn, bottom to top,

They offered Paulson 10 cents each, because each page was tore.

SANTA AND THE SECOND CLASS TROLL

Where does Santa get his toys?

They are made by elves for good girls and boys,

And, for boys and girls who are really bad,

They get lumps of coal then, they feel sad,

Where does Santa get his lumps of coal?

From deep shaft mines worked by a creature called troll,

And, while elves get a golden toy factory pass,

Trolls work deep in the earth like a true second-class,

Now, old Santa is a jolly old elf,

And, he promotes the ones who are just like himself,

 But, he does provide jobs for those who work underground,

In mines that are cited as unsafe and unsound,

Yet, the trolls do not live a life of quiet despair,

Instead, they plot revolution to make society fair,

Now, on Christmas morning when you get your big lump of coal,

Remember, the coal came from the toils of the second-class troll.

First Published Dec 19, 2014

I MET A MARTIAN ON NEW YEAR'S EVE

I Walked Out Of A Bar And Met A Martian

When I went out on New Year's Eve,

I met a Martian and heard him grieve,

He annoyed me as he sobbed through his sins and regrets,

Then, begged me for some cigarettes,

Then, thusly to this Martian I spoke,

"Dear Martian I'm sorry but, I never smoke,

Although, I sometimes nurse a rum and coke,

If I bought cigarettes then I'd be broke,

And, cigarettes are portrayed in every earth tongue,

As causing diseases of the lung,

And, if lung disease does not give one a whack,

Then, one will surely die of a heart attack,"

The Martian then began to sigh,

"Without some cigarettes I will just die,

And, Martians have no lungs or heart,

The worst cigarettes can do is make us fart"

Finally, on the Martian I took pity,

I used my credit card in the city,

And, bought every cigarette I could find in a box,

Then, told the Martian he should get help to detox,

So, this Martian fella became real happy,

He hugged me close which I thought was sappy,

If he did it again I would have become slappy,

But, he spoke Martian verse and it was kind of rappy,

Then, my Martian friend hitched a ride back to mars,

Seems he didn’t own a ride to travel to the planets and stars,

But, I'm sure he'll be returning early next year,

Because for him a pack of cigarettes is what he holds most dear.