PAULSON PAWNED HIS PORN

 Paulson took his porn down to the family run pawn store,

He dreamed of getting $1,000,000, maybe much .more,

The store was owned by mom and pop,

They poured through the porn, bottom to top,

They offered Paulson 10 cents each, because each page was tore.

VERDI AND THE SCAREDY CAT

My cat has become quite the scaredy,
He hides when I play Aida by Verdi,
As the trumpet march solo begins,
My cat's on needles and pins,
And, I step to an opera march parody. 

EXPLODING TOILET AND WET UNDER MY BED

 I had holes in my toilet, and I filled them with lead,

So the water on the floor, didn't run under my bed,

Then, my big cousin Ed,

Just eats black beans and bread,

He exploded my toilet, now my toilet is dead.

THE PLAGIARIZED TERM PAPER LIMERICK

I got an F on my term paper because I plagiarized,
I copied from a book so I'm not surprised,
I did not use quotes,
Let alone those tedious footnotes,
I guess that's why term papers are so despised.

I FORGOT MY TURTLE

I forgot my pet turtle and left him outside,
Now he is frozen on the water-slide,
But here's the thing,
Will he thaw out in the spring?
Or, maybe right now I should bring him inside?

MY WINTER TONGS

My tong shoes were no good in the winter,
For my big toe got an icicle splinter,
And, the numbness in my toes,
Warned me that they were froze,
But, at home I warmed for I'm a vintner.

THE PLAGUE AND HOW I GOT IT

I went to a restaurant and I caught the plague,
It was the leek salad that made my bod drag,
And, though I professed I was dying,
The waitress accused me of lying,
Because, I asked for leftovers and a doggie bag.

MARVIN NEVER WASHED HIS HANDS LIMERICK

Although, he traveled to many exotic lands,
Marvin never bothered washing his hands,
Of course he caused a pandemic,
With a disease so systemic,
Marvin had lumps all over his glands.

AS DEER HUNTING SEASON BEGINS

As deer hunting season begins,

The deer have all of the wins,

My riffle corroded,

And, with the first shot exploded,

Now, I'm paying for my hunting sins.

MY GARBAGE PICKUP WAS FREE NOW I'M NOT

I had garbage pickup that I did not pay for,
It was the dumpster behind a chain grocery store,
I never felt any shame,
Till they found my address and name,
Now, I'm in jail serving between three months and four.