I HUNTED AND FISHED TODAY

 I started hunting, then went fishing, earlier today,

I shot a big moose, and took three small crappies from the bay,

I hung the moose up to bleed out,

Ate the crappies; wished they were trout,

Tomorrow I'll butcher the moose, that will take me all day.

THERE'S THESE THINGS CALLED GROCERIES, AND THEY KEEP ME ALIVE

 I was told at the hospital, that I need to start buying groceries; I asked why?

The hospital told me to buy groceries and eat, or I could starve and also die,

I went to the grocery store,

Bought a few things, couldn't afford more,

I bought enough food to last 3 days, but to a weeks wages I said a bigly bye.

ANOTHER SPACESHIP EXPLODES

 My rocketship blew up in my neighbor's backyard,

Destroyed the neighbors garage, and his house, it charred,

I know that he'll surely sue,

There is nothing I can do,

It's just building a working rocketship is hard.🚀

FROM PORK CHOPS IN EAST LANSING TO WISCONSIN HOPS

 I went to Lansing to buy some fancy, smoked, pork chops,

I was arrested for speeding by the local cops,

I went to the local county court,

To prison I received an escort,

To a work farm in Wisconsin that raises beer hops.

THEY BROKE MY BONES WITH A STARE AND A GIGGLE

 I bought me a scooter, but it has only one big wheel,

I stand when I ride it; and I show off my sex appeal,

When all the ladies looked at me,

The ladies were all I could see,

I ran into a parked pickup; it's months before I heal.

SEASONAL ARRANGEMENTS

 It's fall in Northern Michigan; bears are getting fat, and neighbors are becoming rare,

Possums have chewed their way into the basement of my house, while mice scoot everywhere,

Where I hang my fedora hat,

There hibernates a giant bat,

A cougar is claiming the rest of my house, his teeth and claws make the world unfair..

THE PHILOSOPHER

 The demon Natas, spread evil all the night and day long,

He spread it through his dramatic, philosophical song,

He said, "when money is tight,

You don't have to do what's right",

So, with Natas we have fallen, his philosophy being wrong..

MY BROKEN CLOCK AIN'T IN STOCK

 My little China clock,

It use to go tick tock,

Then it hit the slate floor,

It was a clock no more,

Couldn't replace; no longer in stock.

NOBODY GETS IN MY TIGHTS, BUT ME

 Big and little bed bugs, and some voracious, eater mites,

Cause itching, scratching in my newly purchased, dancer tights,

I then bigly, bug sprayed,

A protest they displayed,

It seems my tights invaders, are claiming their human rights.

HOSPITALIZATION VS. BITER MITE INFESTATION

 I went into the hospital, because I could not scratch an itch,

I was forced to stay 100 days, so the big shots could get rich,

I was stomach ill, and peeved,

The hospital food I heaved,

I yelled for a nurse for so long, my voice lost it's manly, man pitch 

I DANCED THE SQUARE AT THE BIG FAIRY FARE

 I went to the capitol to the big fairy fare,

Politicos and the mythologicals were wandering, there,

I rode a unicorn,

Cut my hand on his horn,

I danced with some trolls, in a dance they called square.

SWEET CANDY CIGARETTES, AND ALL THE DEAD GRANDPARENTS

 I went looking for some sweet, candy cigarettes for my kid,

I could not find them anywhere, like their existence is hid,

My kid is really, tantrum mad,

He wants to smoke like mom and dad,

Kid never knew any gramps or grandmas; cigs killed them all, sad.

CAR INSURANCE: THE CAUSE OF MY FINANCIAL WOE

 I once drove with real good car insurance, but the price just got to be too much,

The politicians who require it, are economically out of touch,

Politicians told me to quit eating steaks,

I can no longer finance repairing breaks,

My tires are bald and all the rides are rough, and it is war to work the clutch.

4D WOE

 I am a 4D being and I see in 4D,

I've seen that my spouse is cheating on me,

Most times my spouse is cheating for free,

Sometimes my spouse makes more money than me,

Living in 4D is one lonely world,

If I eat something, it's immediately hurled,

I do see all the money, my spouse has squirreled,

My spouse spends it at a salon to get their hair curled,

It is so lonely, living in 4D,

No one ever says hello to me,

Of course, my body, no one can see,

Except for one little monkey, that lives in a tree,

The monkey, my friend, always says hello,

He's willing to go places that I want to go,

He knows of the experiment that created my woe,

Woe beyond the imaginings of authors, like Edgar Allen Poe.

CITIZEN FOOLED

The government took away my stamps,

My belly has developed the cramps,

No wood to burn,

I'll never learn,

When I have no doe, outdoors I camps.

A WALK IN THE MICHIGAN WOODS

I was seeing through the forest, when I walked unto a tree,

I didn't hurt the tree, but I suffered a fatal injury,

My neck had received a sharp branch, stab,

The road was far, no uber or cab,

I just bled out complete, as a cougar ate the former me.

I HAVE A GRISLY BEAR IN MY TACO

 I love my tacos, when they're stuffed with wild bear meat,

And, a rainbow of peppers, makes them one fine dine, treat,

But, I am not through,

I like onions too,

Let us eat us some tacos, three for me, two for you.

BIG BEAUTIUL BILL, THE NEIGHBOR

 My neighbor, is the famous, Big Beautiful Bill,

He lives in a travel trailer, up on the hill,

It causes me, groin pinching pain,

Wen Bill does a septic tank.drain,

And, my yard becomes a toxic, chemical spill.

BIG BEAUTIFUL BILL

 I went downstairs to see my neighbor, Big Beautiful Bill,

He lives in the big apartment, beneath my windowsill,

Bill rests, and lays around during days,

Goes to the disco, at night, and plays,

Sometimes he opens his door, and people hang out and chill.

MY SOCIAL MEDIA BRAIN VEIN POPPED: A POEM BY LEIGH COLLIN BRANDT

 The only thing I'm allowed to do on the internet, is watch pornography, and shop,

If I try to leave a comment any place, I get warned, banned, blocked, full stop,

I tried my own web site, once or twice,

Was taken down, by complaints, or Vice,

Belief in a social media?  That brain vein has gone pop.