Showing posts with label LIMERICKS. Show all posts
Showing posts with label LIMERICKS. Show all posts

Friday, May 23, 2025

BIG BEAUTIUL BILL, THE NEIGHBOR

 My neighbor, is the famous, Big Beautiful Bill,

He lives in a travel trailer, up on the hill,

It causes me, groin pinching pain,

Wen Bill does a septic tank.drain,

And, my yard becomes a toxic, chemical spill.

BIG BEAUTIFUL BILL

 I went downstairs to see my neighbor, Big Beautiful Bill,

He lives in the big apartment, beneath my windowsill,

Bill rests, and lays around during days,

Goes to the disco, at night, and plays,

Sometimes he opens his door, and people hang out and chill.



Sunday, May 11, 2025

MY SOCIAL MEDIA BRAIN VEIN POPPED: A POEM BY LEIGH COLLIN BRANDT

 The only thing I'm allowed to do on the internet, is watch pornography, and shop,

If I try to leave a comment any place, I get warned, banned, blocked, full stop,

I tried my own web site, once or twice,

Was taken down, by complaints, or Vice,

Belief in a social media?  That brain vein has gone pop.





Tuesday, April 15, 2025

MY ROBOT, IS NOT ALL THERE

 My robot is missing, several very important parts,

I gambled them away, playing the fun, famous game of darts,

I lost his voice box, and both eyes,

So in silence, my sad bot cries,

I lost the battery, but somehow, the old robot still starts.

Saturday, April 12, 2025

THE ACORN WARS: EVOLUTION MAKES A CHOICE

 I can't afford paying for needed consumables, anymore,

Today, I competed with tiny chipmunks, for acorns to store,

Because chipmunks are so clever,

I out compete chipmunks, never

I burned a million calories, and won no acorns from the war.




DOOMSCROLLING, THE SONG

 I've been doomscrolling, all day, and all night long,

I've been humming the catchy,  Doomscrolling Song,

It just isn't fair,

My future ain't there,

The world is so bad, where did we go wrong?


Friday, April 11, 2025

MAKE A TARIFF YOUR SPECIAL PET, AND YOU'LL BE POOR, I BET

 I bought a little pet tariff, and he sits out in the trees,

He never moves at all, except when he's bending in the breeze,

This sounds kind of funny,

He only eats money,

Feeding my tariff, makes me so poor, I fall down on my knees.


Wednesday, April 9, 2025

WANTED S'MORES, AND I GOT SORES

 I went to Canada, to buy stuff to make tasty s'mores,

I had to sneak into the place, with my boat that has oars,

Not a very easy ride,

There's sea monsters, at low tide,

After battling monsters, my body was covered with sores, 




Saturday, April 5, 2025

BAD KING JAR HEAD

I use to be a great, and powerful, big king,

I ruled over the entire Earth, everything,

But, they all said I went too far,

Now, my head's pickled in a jar,

And, the People taunt me, with mean songs that they sing.

Tuesday, March 25, 2025

OFFICER IN CHARGE OF WEEKEND NAVAL OPERATIONS

 Every Friday, my mate the sailor, went adventuring, down low,

He went cruising with his big submarine, to places, he did not know,

He would dive down a couple of leagues,

Slipped on his rubber battle fatigues,

That way he never worried, about any place he happened to go.


Saturday, March 15, 2025

TRINA'S MISDEMEANOR POEM

 I visited my friend Trina, She's lodged in the town, clink,

Trina fell off a low garden wall, after too much to drink,

Someone called for the cops,

Sirens raced through all stops,

I bought Trina a dress for court; it's long, frilly and pink.

Wednesday, March 5, 2025

TRINA AND THE ROTH FOR THE GOTH SLOTH

Trina went out into the primordial woods, and found a three tailed sloth,

The huge sloth was dressed in black, with black makeup, in a style sort of goth,

 Crunching bones and making flesh tears,

The sloth was eating grisly bears,

Trina was a sloth tax advisor, and sold him an IRA, called Roth.


IF A TREE FALLS IN THE FOREST ON SOMEONE'S HEAD...?

 A big tree fell at the top of a forest hill,

Nobody heard it,  except maybe, Forest Phil,

Phil did not hear the fall for long,

Before he heard an angel song,

Poor old Phil was the first, hilltop tree, kill.


Tuesday, March 4, 2025

DOOMED TO RUE THE DAY

I cannot afford groceries, boohoo, boohoo,

We voted in a criminal, what can we do?

How could anyone know,

How bad things would go,

I fear our election, the whole world will rue.



Wednesday, February 12, 2025

OLIGARCHY IS MALARKEY

 I went to beg the oligarchs for a bag of dried, red beans,

My kids are just all skin and bone, and dying from the too leans,

The ollies all said no,

Now my kids won't grow,

I won't have to worry about clothes; the kids won't outgrow their jeans.


Friday, January 31, 2025

Voting For Insane, Leads To Food Insecurity Pain

 I best get down to the grocery store, 

My leaders have declared a big trade war,

Food prices are real high,

They'll soon sail to the sky,

We were in great pain; we voted for more.





Tuesday, January 28, 2025

POVERTY, AMERICAN STYLE

 I went to grammar school today, but I did not get any meals,

Government fellas shut them down, so they could see what they could steals,

Mama says that we're grocery poor,

Her check too small to afford a store,

Today I know how granny feels, because they canceled Meals On Wheels.



Tuesday, January 21, 2025

FATHER FOSTER'S EGGS AND WINGS

 Foster is a nightingale, and at night he sings,

After eating dinner, of bugs and other things,

Foster had to quite, quickly marry,

His egg-filled girlfriend, Carrie,

In this case fatherhood, clipped poor old Foster's wings.



Friday, January 17, 2025

GOVERNMENT

 I voted for a politician, and to my surprise,

All he told to me turned out to be lies, and, lies and lies,

We changed him for a king,

Here's the bad, awful thing,

When I couldn't pay his new taxes, I was hung, then I dies.

Tuesday, January 14, 2025

THE WHALE WAS MISSING A CHUNK

 I traveled to Greenland to see me some grass green,

It is the greenest place, I have ever done seen,

I spied me, a  big killer whale,

He had a chunk out of his tail,

I bet that missing chunk made that whale, super mean.