POTASSIUM: THE POEM

 I've been eating potassium; a lot of potassium I consume,

If I don't consume lots of potassium, the doctor foretells my doom,

I eat it when I date my hot sweetie,

I eat it when I feed my bird, called twenty,

I eat 6-7  pounds of ripe bananas, when I come onto Zoom.

THERE'S THESE THINGS CALLED GROCERIES, AND THEY KEEP ME ALIVE

 I was told at the hospital, that I need to start buying groceries; I asked why?

The hospital told me to buy groceries and eat, or I could starve and also die,

I went to the grocery store,

Bought a few things, couldn't afford more,

I bought enough food to last 3 days, but to a weeks wages I said a bigly bye.

ANOTHER SPACESHIP EXPLODES

 My rocketship blew up in my neighbor's backyard,

Destroyed the neighbors garage, and his house, it charred,

I know that he'll surely sue,

There is nothing I can do,

It's just building a working rocketship is hard.🚀

FROM PORK CHOPS IN EAST LANSING TO WISCONSIN HOPS

 I went to Lansing to buy some fancy, smoked, pork chops,

I was arrested for speeding by the local cops,

I went to the local county court,

To prison I received an escort,

To a work farm in Wisconsin that raises beer hops.

THE COWBOY, BAD BOB BILL

 My big daddy named me, Bad Bob Bill,

I'm a cowboy, and coyote I kill,

When they get through my fence,

I get feeling intense,

Sometimes I have to take my heart pill.

THEY BROKE MY BONES WITH A STARE AND A GIGGLE

 I bought me a scooter, but it has only one big wheel,

I stand when I ride it; and I show off my sex appeal,

When all the ladies looked at me,

The ladies were all I could see,

I ran into a parked pickup; it's months before I heal.

SEASONAL ARRANGEMENTS

 It's fall in Northern Michigan; bears are getting fat, and neighbors are becoming rare,

Possums have chewed their way into the basement of my house, while mice scoot everywhere,

Where I hang my fedora hat,

There hibernates a giant bat,

A cougar is claiming the rest of my house, his teeth and claws make the world unfair..

THE PHILOSOPHER

 The demon Natas, spread evil all the night and day long,

He spread it through his dramatic, philosophical song,

He said, "when money is tight,

You don't have to do what's right",

So, with Natas we have fallen, his philosophy being wrong..

MY BROKEN CLOCK AIN'T IN STOCK

 My little China clock,

It use to go tick tock,

Then it hit the slate floor,

It was a clock no more,

Couldn't replace; no longer in stock.

NOBODY GETS IN MY TIGHTS, BUT ME

 Big and little bed bugs, and some voracious, eater mites,

Cause itching, scratching in my newly purchased, dancer tights,

I then bigly, bug sprayed,

A protest they displayed,

It seems my tights invaders, are claiming their human rights.

HOSPITALIZATION VS. BITER MITE INFESTATION

 I went into the hospital, because I could not scratch an itch,

I was forced to stay 100 days, so the big shots could get rich,

I was stomach ill, and peeved,

The hospital food I heaved,

I yelled for a nurse for so long, my voice lost it's manly, man pitch 

THE DINGO, THE BLUE FAIRY, AND THE UNICORN THEY RODE IN ON

 Dave the dingo lived on Lake Michigan with a real tiny, blue fairy,

They lived in a small houseboat, and when the wind blew, it made the boat airy,

They ate for breakfast, toasted tarts,

Sticky honey buns gave them farts,

They road on a pet flying unicorn, although the landings were scary.

ANOTHER WORLD WAR

 It is another big, world war,

That's why I've been shopping at the store,

I bought many types canned goods,

Dozens of radiation hoods,

Now I have sealed my bomb shelter door.

I HAD FISH WITH A STICKY HONEY BUN

 His house specialty is salmon, the chef's name is Mr. Pardeau,

Tonight Mr. Pardeau served me fried salmon stakes, carved from a coho,

The stake was truly divine,

Especially, after wine,

For desert I got a honey bun, and a gin he said was, "slow".

CAR INSURANCE: THE CAUSE OF MY FINANCIAL WOE

 I once drove with real good car insurance, but the price just got to be too much,

The politicians who require it, are economically out of touch,

Politicians told me to quit eating steaks,

I can no longer finance repairing breaks,

My tires are bald and all the rides are rough, and it is war to work the clutch.

A WITCH SMELLS LIKE PORK, WHEN THEY'RE COOKING

 I have been burned as an old witch, once again,

I was caught watching movies, labeled as sin,

I am getting tired,

Of being camp fired,

Think I'll move to a place, where my choices win.

CITIZEN FOOLED

The government took away my stamps,

My belly has developed the cramps,

No wood to burn,

I'll never learn,

When I have no doe, outdoors I camps.

DARK, MORBID LIMERICKS, INVOLVE COMFORT FOOD

 Really soon, doctors say, I'm going to have to die,

My last requests, place a chicken nugget on each eye,

Sew a hot hamburger and cheese,

Between my dead lips, if you please,

I need comfort food, so in eternal peace, I'll lie.

A WALK IN THE MICHIGAN WOODS

I was seeing through the forest, when I walked unto a tree,

I didn't hurt the tree, but I suffered a fatal injury,

My neck had received a sharp branch, stab,

The road was far, no uber or cab,

I just bled out complete, as a cougar ate the former me.

Our Ding-A-Ling Sing Song

 Our ding-a-ling, decided to be everybody's king, but no one liked him much,

Our ding-a-ling, had no talent to whistle, dance or sing, but he did have his touch,

When our ding-a-ling went down,

They fetched away his gold crown,

Our ding-a-ling, went to jail and lost his bling, but he still has his pearls, to clutch.