My wife's psycho dogs quacked like ducks,
And, I thought to myself,
Every Christmas it sucks,
I was out in my driveway,
Shoveling three feet of snow,
When I heard right behind me,
My molter-in-law growling "Ho, Ho,"
"Catch this you bum,"
She shouted at me,
So, I turned about,
And, what did I see,
I looked up to the sky,
And, what should appear,
But, a two liter glass bottle,
All empty of beer,
The bottle smacked my head,
My face gushed out blood,
I fell into the snow,
With a groan and a thud,
The next thing that I tell you,
Was really quite neat,
I awoke in a hospital,
It smelled a sanitized sweet,
A nurse hovered over me,
And, she was no ug,
She fluffed up my pillow,
And, gave me a hug,
"Oh you poor dear,"
She said unto me,
"You'll be in the hospital,
Two months maybe three,"
The room service was great,
I ate like a king,
And, I didn't have to do,
One dog gone thing,
My wife sued for divorce,
And, with her mother moved away,
To live in New York,
Or, was it L.A.?
So, I married my nurse,
I don't have to work,
She has a good job,
And, that's such a perk,
Well, as for each Christmas,
On one thing I pass,
I drink beer from quart cans,
Never two-liter glass,
