SANTA AND THE BEAR
My sleigh got stuck on Christmas and I could not go nowhere,
And, my reindeer all got eaten by a ferocious grizzly bear,
Then, the grizzly approached me,
Said he'd pull my sleigh for free,
So, I delivered all my toys and gave the kids a nasty scare.
I WENT DOWN THE STAIRS TO THE FRIDGE AND THE BEARS
My sleigh got stuck on Christmas and I could not go nowhere,
And, my reindeer all got eaten by a ferocious grizzly bear,
Then, the grizzly approached me,
Said he'd pull my sleigh for free,
So, I delivered all my toys and gave the kids a nasty scare.
I WENT DOWN THE STAIRS TO THE FRIDGE AND THE BEARS
It was dark when I walked down the stairs,
It was scary as I looked out for bears,
I went to the fridge for a bite,
But, the bears got me that night,
Now, the food in my fridge is all theirs.
MISS TAM HAD MORE LOVES THAN I
My dear little lady Miss Tam,
Was the peanut butter that I thought went with my
jam,
Her first love was for another,
Namely, her overprotective mean mother,
Then, her next love was cabbage rolls full of
ham.
THE FIRST CONTACT HAIKU
Spacecraft, hovering, lands,
Open door, monster, ray gun,
Zap! Ouch! Alien probe! Ouch!!!
I GUESS I HAVE NO ONE TO BLAME
I guess I have no one to blame,
I missed out at my one chance for fame,
For I rescued a treed kitty,
Said the paper of the city,
But, they neglected to correctly spell my name.
COMPUTER SCREEN PROBLEM SOLVED
My computer screen obscured my view,
Through the window in the door,
I moved my computer screen so my view was true,
Then, my screen crashed upon the floor.
I BOUGHT A BIGFOOT FOR MY MOM AND DAD POEM
I went to Canada and bought a Bigfoot,
I brought it home for my mom and my dad,
I thought it would keep them company,
But, they said I had done really bad,
The Bigfoot I bought was not house trained,
And, it would not stay in the yard nor the barn,
It broke down the house door and came inside,
Both my parents both screamed “Oh gosh darn!”
The big foot ate all of the stew up,
And, it drank all my dad’s homemade beer,
I guess buying a Bigfoot was a screw-up,
Then, he nibbled on dear old dad’s ear,
Then, my dad started to remember his old dog Frank,
And, how he loved drinking dad’s homemade beer,
The Bigfoot stunk just like his old dog Stank,
Dad proclaimed “the Bigfoot stays right here”,
So, my parents kept the Bigfoot they called Frank,
They seemed to have no more concerns,
It’s good my gift had a number one rank,
Because where I bought it they take no returns.
I WENT TO MAKE SOME PIZZA PIE
I went to make some pizza pie,
But, I had no flour, just barley and rye,
So, I cranked out some beer,
And, filled up on good cheer,
Hence, my cravings for pizza did die.
I TOLD MY BROKER TO BUY SOME STOCK
I told my broker to buy some stock,
And, he did and he did like sheep form a flock,
At the end of the day,
With the commissions I had to pay,
Both of my kidneys I had to hock.
WHEN WALKING IN THE WOODS
When walking in the woods I ran into a big panther cat,
He growled at me but not an eyelid did I bat,
If only the present were past,
I would have run away really fast,
I hope my carcass makes the panther get fat.
PLANTING A MAPLE TREE
I went to plant a big maple tree,
But, the hole was too small so the tree fell on me,
So, I dug a deeper hole,
Jumped in to dig like a mole,
The hole caved in so the tree planted me.
