THE PHILOSOPHER

 The demon Natas, spread evil all the night and day long,

He spread it through his dramatic, philosophical song,

He said, "when money is tight,

You don't have to do what's right",

So, with Natas we have fallen, his philosophy being wrong..

MY BROKEN CLOCK AIN'T IN STOCK

 My little China clock,

It use to go tick tock,

Then it hit the slate floor,

It was a clock no more,

Couldn't replace; no longer in stock.

NOBODY GETS IN MY TIGHTS, BUT ME

 Big and little bed bugs, and some voracious, eater mites,

Cause itching, scratching in my newly purchased, dancer tights,

I then bigly, bug sprayed,

A protest they displayed,

It seems my tights invaders, are claiming their human rights.

HOSPITALIZATION VS. BITER MITE INFESTATION

 I went into the hospital, because I could not scratch an itch,

I was forced to stay 100 days, so the big shots could get rich,

I was stomach ill, and peeved,

The hospital food I heaved,

I yelled for a nurse for so long, my voice lost it's manly, man pitch 

I DANCED THE SQUARE AT THE BIG FAIRY FARE

 I went to the capitol to the big fairy fare,

Politicos and the mythologicals were wandering, there,

I rode a unicorn,

Cut my hand on his horn,

I danced with some trolls, in a dance they called square.

SWEET CANDY CIGARETTES, AND ALL THE DEAD GRANDPARENTS

 I went looking for some sweet, candy cigarettes for my kid,

I could not find them anywhere, like their existence is hid,

My kid is really, tantrum mad,

He wants to smoke like mom and dad,

Kid never knew any gramps or grandmas; cigs killed them all, sad.

THE GROCERY STORE CLERK

I once worked in a grocery store,
Where my job performance was rated poor,
For my productivity was nill,
My shelves I didn't fill,
But, in the backroom I'd put in a good snore.
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THE DINGO, THE BLUE FAIRY, AND THE UNICORN THEY RODE IN ON

 Dave the dingo lived on Lake Michigan with a real tiny, blue fairy,

They lived in a small houseboat, and when the wind blew, it made the boat airy,

They ate for breakfast, toasted tarts,

Sticky honey buns gave them farts,

They road on a pet flying unicorn, although the landings were scary.

ANOTHER WORLD WAR

 It is another big, world war,

That's why I've been shopping at the store,

I bought many types canned goods,

Dozens of radiation hoods,

Now I have sealed my bomb shelter door.

I HAD FISH WITH A STICKY HONEY BUN

 His house specialty is salmon, the chef's name is Mr. Pardeau,

Tonight Mr. Pardeau served me fried salmon stakes, carved from a coho,

The stake was truly divine,

Especially, after wine,

For desert I got a honey bun, and a gin he said was, "slow".

CAR INSURANCE: THE CAUSE OF MY FINANCIAL WOE

 I once drove with real good car insurance, but the price just got to be too much,

The politicians who require it, are economically out of touch,

Politicians told me to quit eating steaks,

I can no longer finance repairing breaks,

My tires are bald and all the rides are rough, and it is war to work the clutch.