BIG BEAUTIUL BILL, THE NEIGHBOR

 My neighbor, is the famous, Big Beautiful Bill,

He lives in a travel trailer, up on the hill,

It causes me, groin pinching pain,

Wen Bill does a septic tank.drain,

And, my yard becomes a toxic, chemical spill.

BIG BEAUTIFUL BILL

 I went downstairs to see my neighbor, Big Beautiful Bill,

He lives in the big apartment, beneath my windowsill,

Bill rests, and lays around during days,

Goes to the disco, at night, and plays,

Sometimes he opens his door, and people hang out and chill.

MY SOCIAL MEDIA BRAIN VEIN POPPED: A POEM BY LEIGH COLLIN BRANDT

 The only thing I'm allowed to do on the internet, is watch pornography, and shop,

If I try to leave a comment any place, I get warned, banned, blocked, full stop,

I tried my own web site, once or twice,

Was taken down, by complaints, or Vice,

Belief in a social media?  That brain vein has gone pop.

MY ROBOT, IS NOT ALL THERE

 My robot is missing, several very important parts,

I gambled them away, playing the fun, famous game of darts,

I lost his voice box, and both eyes,

So in silence, my sad bot cries,

I lost the battery, but somehow, the old robot still starts.

DOOMSCROLLING, THE SONG

 I've been doomscrolling, all day, and all night long,

I've been humming the catchy,  Doomscrolling Song,

It just isn't fair,

My future ain't there,

The world is so bad, where did we go wrong?

WANTED S'MORES, AND I GOT SORES

 I went to Canada, to buy stuff to make tasty s'mores,

I had to sneak into the place, with my boat that has oars,

Not a very easy ride,

There's sea monsters, at low tide,

After battling monsters, my body was covered with sores, 

MOVING TO GREENLAND TO ESCAPE THE MADNESS

 Retirement savings has tanked so much, I'll have to move to Greenland, to retire,

I'm not so smart that I know why,

But, the stock market, it done die,

And, I borrowed money for some heats and eats, to my mortgaged dump, I say goodbye.

OFFICER IN CHARGE OF WEEKEND NAVAL OPERATIONS

 Every Friday, my mate the sailor, went adventuring, down low,

He went cruising with his big submarine, to places, he did not know,

He would dive down a couple of leagues,

Slipped on his rubber battle fatigues,

That way he never worried, about any place he happened to go.

IN THE BELLY OF THE LITTLE, BABY BIRD

 I once had an enormous chicken, and his name was Little Dick,

Little Dick was a feisty, rooster, and his comb was long and thick,

Dick's friend was an itsy, bitsy Beagle,

The Beagle was taken by an eagle, 

The eagle grabbed the Beagle to feed to its last surviving chick.

TRINA'S MISDEMEANOR POEM

 I visited my friend Trina, She's lodged in the town, clink,

Trina fell off a low garden wall, after too much to drink,

Someone called for the cops,

Sirens raced through all stops,

I bought Trina a dress for court; it's long, frilly and pink.

HAIKU: SPACESHIP UP, THEN DOWN 🚀

 Dynamite, Boom, Up

Up, Up, Boom, Boom, Metal, Hunks

Down, Crash, Money, Burns

SANDALWOOD TEA.

 I always love my sandalwood tea,

It just tastes awfully good, to me,

You find the flavor in the store soaps,

Sometimes, the kind sold on the soap ropes,

Caution:  Tea before bed makes one wee. 

DEATH BY CYBER EXPLOSION

I got killed by a rouge, cyber truck, today,

My silly, old soul has done, floated away,

There was a big crash,

An explosion, a flash,

Birds cleanup my pieces, the red and charred grey. .

WE HAD A GUEST TODAY

 I decided to hire a mohel, his name was Hubla Hahn,

I hired him to do all my kids, Wilmadene, Gerald and Don,

The kids were quiet as mice,

As the man went slice, slice, slice,

The mohel left, after using the john.