BIG BEAUTIUL BILL, THE NEIGHBOR

 My neighbor, is the famous, Big Beautiful Bill,

He lives in a travel trailer, up on the hill,

It causes me, groin pinching pain,

Wen Bill does a septic tank.drain,

And, my yard becomes a toxic, chemical spill.

BIG BEAUTIFUL BILL

 I went downstairs to see my neighbor, Big Beautiful Bill,

He lives in the big apartment, beneath my windowsill,

Bill rests, and lays around during days,

Goes to the disco, at night, and plays,

Sometimes he opens his door, and people hang out and chill.

MY SOCIAL MEDIA BRAIN VEIN POPPED: A POEM BY LEIGH COLLIN BRANDT

 The only thing I'm allowed to do on the internet, is watch pornography, and shop,

If I try to leave a comment any place, I get warned, banned, blocked, full stop,

I tried my own web site, once or twice,

Was taken down, by complaints, or Vice,

Belief in a social media?  That brain vein has gone pop.

MY ROBOT, IS NOT ALL THERE

 My robot is missing, several very important parts,

I gambled them away, playing the fun, famous game of darts,

I lost his voice box, and both eyes,

So in silence, my sad bot cries,

I lost the battery, but somehow, the old robot still starts.

THE ACORN WARS: EVOLUTION MAKES A CHOICE

 I can't afford paying for needed consumables, anymore,

Today, I competed with tiny chipmunks, for acorns to store,

Because chipmunks are so clever,

I out compete chipmunks, never

I burned a million calories, and won no acorns from the war.

DOOMSCROLLING, THE SONG

 I've been doomscrolling, all day, and all night long,

I've been humming the catchy,  Doomscrolling Song,

It just isn't fair,

My future ain't there,

The world is so bad, where did we go wrong?

MAKE A TARIFF YOUR SPECIAL PET, AND YOU'LL BE POOR, I BET

 I bought a little pet tariff, and he sits out in the trees,

He never moves at all, except when he's bending in the breeze,

This sounds kind of funny,

He only eats money,

Feeding my tariff, makes me so poor, I fall down on my knees.

WANTED S'MORES, AND I GOT SORES

 I went to Canada, to buy stuff to make tasty s'mores,

I had to sneak into the place, with my boat that has oars,

Not a very easy ride,

There's sea monsters, at low tide,

After battling monsters, my body was covered with sores, 

BAD KING JAR HEAD

I use to be a great, and powerful, big king,

I ruled over the entire Earth, everything,

But, they all said I went too far,

Now, my head's pickled in a jar,

And, the People taunt me, with mean songs that they sing.

MOVING TO GREENLAND TO ESCAPE THE MADNESS

 Retirement savings has tanked so much, I'll have to move to Greenland, to retire,

I'm not so smart that I know why,

But, the stock market, it done die,

And, I borrowed money for some heats and eats, to my mortgaged dump, I say goodbye.

OFFICER IN CHARGE OF WEEKEND NAVAL OPERATIONS

 Every Friday, my mate the sailor, went adventuring, down low,

He went cruising with his big submarine, to places, he did not know,

He would dive down a couple of leagues,

Slipped on his rubber battle fatigues,

That way he never worried, about any place he happened to go.

IN THE BELLY OF THE LITTLE, BABY BIRD

 I once had an enormous chicken, and his name was Little Dick,

Little Dick was a feisty, rooster, and his comb was long and thick,

Dick's friend was an itsy, bitsy Beagle,

The Beagle was taken by an eagle, 

The eagle grabbed the Beagle to feed to its last surviving chick.

TRINA'S MISDEMEANOR POEM

 I visited my friend Trina, She's lodged in the town, clink,

Trina fell off a low garden wall, after too much to drink,

Someone called for the cops,

Sirens raced through all stops,

I bought Trina a dress for court; it's long, frilly and pink.

BACK TO WORK: OFFICE

 Monday, office, sick,

Coffee, pastry, candy, sick

Anti, acid, gas.

HAIKU: SPACESHIP UP, THEN DOWN 🚀

 Dynamite, Boom, Up

Up, Up, Boom, Boom, Metal, Hunks

Down, Crash, Money, Burns

TRINA AND THE ROTH FOR THE GOTH SLOTH

Trina went out into the primordial woods, and found a three tailed sloth,

The huge sloth was dressed in black, with black makeup, in a style sort of goth,

 Crunching bones and making flesh tears,

The sloth was eating grisly bears,

Trina was a sloth tax advisor, and sold him an IRA, called Roth.

IF A TREE FALLS IN THE FOREST ON SOMEONE'S HEAD...?

 A big tree fell at the top of a forest hill,

Nobody heard it,  except maybe, Forest Phil,

Phil did not hear the fall for long,

Before he heard an angel song,

Poor old Phil was the first, hilltop tree, kill.

QUICK RHYMES

 Leon had a tater,

Maggie had a tot,

Jay had a tomater,

Donny had tooth rot.

DOOMED TO RUE THE DAY

I cannot afford groceries, boohoo, boohoo,

We voted in a criminal, what can we do?

How could anyone know,

How bad things would go,

I fear our election, the whole world will rue.

SANDALWOOD TEA.

 I always love my sandalwood tea,

It just tastes awfully good, to me,

You find the flavor in the store soaps,

Sometimes, the kind sold on the soap ropes,

Caution:  Tea before bed makes one wee.