A WITCH SMELLS LIKE PORK, WHEN THEY'RE COOKING

 I have been burned as an old witch, once again,

I was caught watching movies, labeled as sin,

I am getting tired,

Of being camp fired,

Think I'll move to a place, where my choices win.

THE SILLY DOUGIE RHYME

 My name is Dougie,

I ride in a horse and buggy,

The side of the road, I huggy,

When the tractor-trailers come around,

My name is Dougie,

My shack is small, but snuggy,

My doggie lies on the ruggy,

As I pick my banjo for some sound,

Everyone calls me, Dougie,

They all give me a huggy,

That is how I get all buggy,

Bugs eat my flesh off by the pound.

My girlfriend's name is Snooky,

She works as a syndicate bookie,

The Feds, they took a lookie,

My poor Snooky is prison bound.

4D WOE

 I am a 4D being and I see in 4D,

I've seen that my spouse is cheating on me,

Most times my spouse is cheating for free,

Sometimes my spouse makes more money than me,

Living in 4D is one lonely world,

If I eat something, it's immediately hurled,

I do see all the money, my spouse has squirreled,

My spouse spends it at a salon to get their hair curled,

It is so lonely, living in 4D,

No one ever says hello to me,

Of course, my body, no one can see,

Except for one little monkey, that lives in a tree,

The monkey, my friend, always says hello,

He's willing to go places that I want to go,

He knows of the experiment that created my woe,

Woe beyond the imaginings of authors, like Edgar Allen Poe.

ANDY, THE BACON GREASE GOURMET

 Andy had one main, great purpose, it was to deep fry chicken thighs,

The girls they all loved him, being rural, that is no surprise,

He also, made biscuit gravy,

He got that skill in the navy,

He would also fry taters with grits; the simple ones called him wise.

CITIZEN FOOLED

The government took away my stamps,

My belly has developed the cramps,

No wood to burn,

I'll never learn,

When I have no doe, outdoors I camps.

DARK, MORBID LIMERICKS, INVOLVE COMFORT FOOD

 Really soon, doctors say, I'm going to have to die,

My last requests, place a chicken nugget on each eye,

Sew a hot hamburger and cheese,

Between my dead lips, if you please,

I need comfort food, so in eternal peace, I'll lie.

A WALK IN THE MICHIGAN WOODS

I was seeing through the forest, when I walked unto a tree,

I didn't hurt the tree, but I suffered a fatal injury,

My neck had received a sharp branch, stab,

The road was far, no uber or cab,

I just bled out complete, as a cougar ate the former me.

Our Ding-A-Ling Sing Song

 Our ding-a-ling, decided to be everybody's king, but no one liked him much,

Our ding-a-ling, had no talent to whistle, dance or sing, but he did have his touch,

When our ding-a-ling went down,

They fetched away his gold crown,

Our ding-a-ling, went to jail and lost his bling, but he still has his pearls, to clutch.

BIG BEAUTIUL BILL, THE NEIGHBOR

 My neighbor, is the famous, Big Beautiful Bill,

He lives in a travel trailer, up on the hill,

It causes me, groin pinching pain,

Wen Bill does a septic tank.drain,

And, my yard becomes a toxic, chemical spill.

BIG BEAUTIFUL BILL

 I went downstairs to see my neighbor, Big Beautiful Bill,

He lives in the big apartment, beneath my windowsill,

Bill rests, and lays around during days,

Goes to the disco, at night, and plays,

Sometimes he opens his door, and people hang out and chill.

MY SOCIAL MEDIA BRAIN VEIN POPPED: A POEM BY LEIGH COLLIN BRANDT

 The only thing I'm allowed to do on the internet, is watch pornography, and shop,

If I try to leave a comment any place, I get warned, banned, blocked, full stop,

I tried my own web site, once or twice,

Was taken down, by complaints, or Vice,

Belief in a social media?  That brain vein has gone pop.

MY ROBOT, IS NOT ALL THERE

 My robot is missing, several very important parts,

I gambled them away, playing the fun, famous game of darts,

I lost his voice box, and both eyes,

So in silence, my sad bot cries,

I lost the battery, but somehow, the old robot still starts.

THE ACORN WARS: EVOLUTION MAKES A CHOICE

 I can't afford paying for needed consumables, anymore,

Today, I competed with tiny chipmunks, for acorns to store,

Because chipmunks are so clever,

I out compete chipmunks, never

I burned a million calories, and won no acorns from the war.

DOOMSCROLLING, THE SONG

 I've been doomscrolling, all day, and all night long,

I've been humming the catchy,  Doomscrolling Song,

It just isn't fair,

My future ain't there,

The world is so bad, where did we go wrong?

MAKE A TARIFF YOUR SPECIAL PET, AND YOU'LL BE POOR, I BET

 I bought a little pet tariff, and he sits out in the trees,

He never moves at all, except when he's bending in the breeze,

This sounds kind of funny,

He only eats money,

Feeding my tariff, makes me so poor, I fall down on my knees.

WANTED S'MORES, AND I GOT SORES

 I went to Canada, to buy stuff to make tasty s'mores,

I had to sneak into the place, with my boat that has oars,

Not a very easy ride,

There's sea monsters, at low tide,

After battling monsters, my body was covered with sores, 

BAD KING JAR HEAD

I use to be a great, and powerful, big king,

I ruled over the entire Earth, everything,

But, they all said I went too far,

Now, my head's pickled in a jar,

And, the People taunt me, with mean songs that they sing.

MOVING TO GREENLAND TO ESCAPE THE MADNESS

 Retirement savings has tanked so much, I'll have to move to Greenland, to retire,

I'm not so smart that I know why,

But, the stock market, it done die,

And, I borrowed money for some heats and eats, to my mortgaged dump, I say goodbye.

OFFICER IN CHARGE OF WEEKEND NAVAL OPERATIONS

 Every Friday, my mate the sailor, went adventuring, down low,

He went cruising with his big submarine, to places, he did not know,

He would dive down a couple of leagues,

Slipped on his rubber battle fatigues,

That way he never worried, about any place he happened to go.

IN THE BELLY OF THE LITTLE, BABY BIRD

 I once had an enormous chicken, and his name was Little Dick,

Little Dick was a feisty, rooster, and his comb was long and thick,

Dick's friend was an itsy, bitsy Beagle,

The Beagle was taken by an eagle, 

The eagle grabbed the Beagle to feed to its last surviving chick.