THE TROLLING FOR MONSTERS SONG

Refrain: 
I troll for monsters in my little tin boat,
To give my village a fantastic feast,
And, to catch a monster historians note,
So, I'll be remembered for trolling for beast,
　

I was trolling for monsters way out in the bay,
I thought I had caught one when my line spooled away,
But, it was negative rub,
When up came the sub,
Then, the sub dove and I followed, good day.

Refrain:　

I was trolling for monsters way out in the bay,
Then, a big one swallowed me and my boat all the way,
My mind was real dizzy,
As I was digested in fizzy,
Now, as poop on the bottom I lay.

Refrain:　

I was trolling for monsters way out in the bay,
When I fell in love with a monster some fishermen say,
Our first hatched we named Barry,
Was both scaly and hairy,
He married a walrus, and moved to LA.

Refrain:

First Published Jun 22, 2013 LeighCollinBrandt.com

OLIGARCHY IS MALARKEY

 I went to beg the oligarchs for a bag of dried, red beans,

My kids are just all skin and bone, and dying from the too leans,

The ollies all said no,

Now my kids won't grow,

I won't have to worry about clothes; the kids won't outgrow their jeans.

BIG PRETTY BALLS OR SCIENCE?

 I don't believe in learning science, any science at all,

Why hurt my brain leaning science, when I can play pretty ball,

Pretty  ball, pretty ball,

I can play with pretty,

When I need more, I'll steal it from mom's wallet, or pretty mall.

Voting For Insane, Leads To Food Insecurity Pain

 I best get down to the grocery store, 

My leaders have declared a big trade war,

Food prices are real high,

They'll soon sail to the sky,

We were in great pain; we voted for more.

POVERTY, AMERICAN STYLE

 I went to grammar school today, but I did not get any meals,

Government fellas shut them down, so they could see what they could steals,

Mama says that we're grocery poor,

Her check too small to afford a store,

Today I know how granny feels, because they canceled Meals On Wheels.

FATHER FOSTER'S EGGS AND WINGS

 Foster is a nightingale, and at night he sings,

After eating dinner, of bugs and other things,

Foster had to quite, quickly marry,

His egg-filled girlfriend, Carrie,

In this case fatherhood, clipped poor old Foster's wings.

Leigh Collin Brandt: Hello

 I know the world is in great flux.  Every day can seem overwhelming.  Especially, when we put on our shoes, and head out the door, toward a future that is either uneventful, repetitive, mundane, or a future full of unexpected turmoil, fear and perhaps pain and loss.  Unfortunately, you'll have to learn to handle it alone, because the rest of us are already burdened with our own problems.

My advise is to get a pet worm to ease your anxieties.  They're much cheaper to feed than a dog, cat or goldfish, and you can take your worm to work with you.  Just put a little dirt in a matchbox, and your worm can travel everywhere with you.  If you start feeling lonely or depressed, try petting and playing with your worm.  Your worm will probably respond in kind to your attention.  Usually, they get all slimy.  Not sure if that's good or bad.  

Try a pet worm.  Let me know in the comments, how it turns out.

Leigh

<3

GOVERNMENT

 I voted for a politician, and to my surprise,

All he told to me turned out to be lies, and, lies and lies,

We changed him for a king,

Here's the bad, awful thing,

When I couldn't pay his new taxes, I was hung, then I dies.

THE WHALE WAS MISSING A CHUNK

 I traveled to Greenland to see me some grass green,

It is the greenest place, I have ever done seen,

I spied me, a  big killer whale,

He had a chunk out of his tail,

I bet that missing chunk made that whale, super mean.

DYSTOPIAN CHILD.

 Mama couldn't afford to buy me milk, so I got a bad case of the rickets,

I tried catching little black bugs to eat, but was way too weak to snatch the crickets,

I did try,

Not to die,

Next I'll go to the bologna factory; just past the protests and pickets.

BAKE, STAKE AND CAKE

I cut up some potatoes for a nice oven bake,

Next, I peeled and cut onions to fry up with a stake,

I opened cans of baked beans,

A fav of my hungry teens,

Then, I squashed bananas for a banana cream cake.

THE AMERICAN EXPLORER

 I'm going to Greenland, to buy myself a house,

I think that while I'm there, I'll pick up a brand new spouse,

Maybe I'll shake paws,

With the famous Santa Claus,

Then I will go hunting, for the giant, dire mouse.

LOVE UNTIL THE END

 They were in a long, long, BL ship,

It was the happiest, amazing trip,

Lasting 40 years,

It ended with tears,

When the one died from a broken hip.

LORD OF THE GRIFTERS

 Here Van Die Vliee sells electric cars,

They often are dreaming of tripping to mars,

But there's errors in their summing,

Those errors they are mumming, 

So investors and bankers, keep coining Vliee's jars.  

My Big Daddy Collabs On OnlyFans

I thought my parents were getting a divorce,

I asked nicest mommy and she said, "of course",

My mommy, the finder,

Found dad's pics on grinder,

And, a collab OnlyFans page with a horse.

THE GHOST SHIP COMES FOR ME LIMERICK

The ghost ship appeared out upon the high sea,
It sang a song on the waves it meant only for me,
It called me to board,
I need not bring my sword,
For there would be no one to fight where I'd be.

P09282020

IT WAS A COUPLE DAYS BEFORE CHRISTMAS POEM

It was a couple days before Christmas,
My wife's psycho dogs quacked like ducks,
And, I thought to myself,
Every Christmas it sucks,

I was out in my driveway,
Shoveling three feet of snow,
When I heard right behind me,
My molter-in-law growling "Ho, Ho,"

102323

"Catch this you bum,"
She shouted at me,
So, I turned about,
And, what did I see,

I looked up to the sky,
And, what should appear,
But, a two liter glass bottle,
All empty of beer,

The bottle smacked  my head,
My face gushed out blood,
I fell into the snow,
With a groan and a thud,

The next thing that I tell you,
Was really quite neat,
I awoke in a hospital,
It smelled a sanitized sweet,

A nurse hovered over me,
And, she was no ug,
She fluffed up my pillow,
And, gave me a hug,

"Oh you poor dear,"
She said unto me,
"You'll be in the hospital,
Two months maybe three,"

The  room service was great,
I ate like a king,
And, I didn't have to do,
One dog gone thing,

My wife sued for divorce,
And, with her mother moved away,
To live in New York,
Or, was it L.A.?

So, I married my nurse,
I don't have to work,
She has a good job,
And, that's such a perk,

Well, as for each Christmas,
On one thing I pass,
I  drink beer from quart cans,
Never two-liter glass,

THE WEREWOLVES WILL BE FILLIN'

When the full moon is up and it's chillin'
Then, the werewolves come a killin',
From the deep darkest woods,
They come after your goods,
And, on your meat they will be a fillin'.

I TOOK MY LITTLE BOAT OUT FOR SOME SAILING

I took my little boat out for some sailing,
But, It just was not worth the bailing,
And, my cell phone wouldn't link,
Before I entered the drink,
As I counted the sharks who were tailing.

SANTA AND THE SECOND CLASS TROLL

Where does Santa get his toys?

They are made by elves for good girls and boys,

And, for boys and girls who are really bad,

They get lumps of coal then, they feel sad,

Where does Santa get his lumps of coal?

From deep shaft mines worked by a creature called troll,

And, while elves get a golden toy factory pass,

Trolls work deep in the earth like a true second-class,

Now, old Santa is a jolly old elf,

And, he promotes the ones who are just like himself,

 But, he does provide jobs for those who work underground,

In mines that are cited as unsafe and unsound,

Yet, the trolls do not live a life of quiet despair,

Instead, they plot revolution to make society fair,

Now, on Christmas morning when you get your big lump of coal,

Remember, the coal came from the toils of the second-class troll.

First Published Dec 19, 2014