FISH TEARS AND PIGS ON MY DINNER PLATE

Pigs don't cry but, tuna fishes do,
That's why pigs are in my stew,
Tuna fishes tears,
Make tuna fishes dears,
While pigs, my dinner plate they rue.

IN WINTER I PREFER TO CHILL

In winter I prefer to chill,
Cooking steaks outside upon my grill,
And with my soda pop,
That I'll drink non-stop,
I'll dine outside till I'm blue in the gill.

MY HEIRS AND EXPECTATIONS

I fell asleep in my little jeep,
While climbing up a hill,
I only wished I had thought ahead,
And, left some sort of will,

For I wokeup as I went crashing down,
Toward the big trees below,
Of course I had no money to leave my heirs,
Just a cabin in the snow,

And, I knew they would have to live there soon,
Because none can hold a job,
And, all will be broke by one cycled moon,
Without this working slob,

But, although they'll have nowhere to go,
They'll sell the cabin in the snow,
For they will want the cash to blow,
Then, they'll reap from what they sew,

But, as I fall I still regret,
Maybe a will could save them yet,
Not selling the cabin would be the bet,
But no, I fear the future's set.

I WENT TO VISIT THE FOUR CORNERS OF THE EARTH

When I was very young,
I wanted to do much more,
Then, work to raise a family,
So, I decided to explore,

I went to visit the four corners of the earth,
I thought I would find many wonders in distant lands,
But, the swamps, mountains and waters all look the same,
So do all the desert sands,

For many years I traveled,
Across dusty deserts and oceans of foam,
But, when sick and old I found myself,
Back at my childhood home,

I went to visit the four corners of the earth,
Those corners I never found,
For someone forgot to tell me,
That the earth is mostly round.

THE ONLY THING THERE IS TO FEAR

The only that I must fear is that I do not fear enough,
For no matter how things now appear the future will be rough,
So, I drive to the hills,
With my groceries and pills,
And, my mate, the dog and some stuff.

FISHING FOR TIGER SHARKS IN LAKE MICHIGAN

Out on Lake Michigan I did embark,

To try to catch a tiger shark,

But alas, the waters were way too rough,

And, my fishing dinghy is not so tough,

Now, this story has no real surprises,

My little dinghy, it capsizes,

And, I might have swam to a pier or park,

But, I found the jaws of a tiger shark,

And, you know I didn’t feel any pain,

As the shark chomped down upon my brain,

But, I had one bad sensation before my death, 

I smelled the shark's stinky tuna breath. 

MY WINTER TONGS

My tong shoes were no good in the winter,
For my big toe got an icicle splinter,
And, the numbness in my toes,
Warned me that they were froze,
But, at home I warmed for I'm a vintner.

THE PLAGUE AND HOW I GOT IT

I went to a restaurant and I caught the plague,
It was the leek salad that made my bod drag,
And, though I professed I was dying,
The waitress accused me of lying,
Because, I asked for leftovers and a doggie bag.

ALFRED THE VANE

At his end Alfred suffered from insanity,
Because he couldn't overcome his great vanity,
For Alfred saw himself growing old,
Graying hair and skin fold,
But, ignored the greater humanity.

EMOTIONS, ARRAYS AND SOME PLAY

We treat with drugs,
From pharmaceutical slugs,
Our emotions that aren't in array,

But, what we could do,
Is focus our minds to,
Making much more time for some play.

I WENT FISHING FOR SOME FISHES TO EAT LIMERICK

I went fishing for some fishes to eat,
To gather those fishes I used living worm meat,
But, the worms on the hook,
The fishes just took, 
Repeat and repeat and repeat.

41315

HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY

I pay homage on this day to my Irish-American grandmother, Flossie Helen Murphy and to her family who came to this land from a place called County Cork, Ireland.

I LIKE DESTROYING ANCIENT ART

Some say my mind is not too smart,
Because, I like destroying ancient art,
I like to show that stuff don't last,
Especially, stuff that's from the distant past,

When I see old idols I see red,
Especially, of religions now long dead,
Those ancient things, they mock my ways,
And I bring their end of days,

The old statues and pottery I will pound to dust,
So, in graven images none will trust,
Then, to my new idols all will bend their knees,
And, worship only the old oak trees.

THE HOOK, THE FOG AND, THE BEER

I went fishing and caught a hook in my ear,
It was so annoying that my boat I couldn't steer,
Then, there was the fog,
I didn't see the log,
And, my boat sank and I spilled all my beer.

MARVIN NEVER WASHED HIS HANDS LIMERICK

Although, he traveled to many exotic lands,
Marvin never bothered washing his hands,
Of course he caused a pandemic,
With a disease so systemic,
Marvin had lumps all over his glands.

AS DEER HUNTING SEASON BEGINS

As deer hunting season begins,

The deer have all of the wins,

My riffle corroded,

And, with the first shot exploded,

Now, I'm paying for my hunting sins.

COME OUT THE GHOSTS ON HALLOWEEN

From the world of in-between,
Come out the ghosts on Halloween,
No time have they for trick-or-treat,
They walk as shadows of their lives' repeat.

MY GARBAGE PICKUP WAS FREE NOW I'M NOT

I had garbage pickup that I did not pay for,
It was the dumpster behind a chain grocery store,
I never felt any shame,
Till they found my address and name,
Now, I'm in jail serving between three months and four.

APRIL SNOWS BRING ON THE WOES

April snows,
Bring garden woes,
And, ruins everything,

April snows,
Freezes little toes,
And, makes infected ear drums ring,

April snows,
As April goes,
Is no harbinger of Spring,

April Snows,
As everyone knows,
Puts one on Google and/or Bing.



　

 

BARRY BAKED UNTIL HIS BACK ACHED

After baking all day in the bakery where he baked,

Barry went home with a horrific back ache,

So, he bought an expensive new bed,

He hoped would let him sleep like the dead,

But, the lumpy mattress kept poor Barry awake.