THE SURVIVALIST

In my trailer I hunkered down way out in the woods,
Waiting for good times to end surrounded by dry goods,
The wait could have been longer but, the gods heard not my pleas,
Thus, a shortage of companionship has brought me to my knees,

I knew the death was coming crossing oceans in tin birds,
And, out of one bird a child came speaking simple words,
 "Mommy I feel really sick please, hold me for a little bit,"
 And, the child coughed and that was it,

Then, all across the land it came,
Bearing a most scientific name,
As the plague approached all fingered blame,
But, the death brought silence and, for each the same,

So, here alone the plague I beat,
In my trailer walled with canned meat,
Out to town out in the street,
Lies my bride and my defeat,

Although I warned her not to wander,
She went to town for one last ponder,
My love mourned because her world didn't last,
Delay assured she's in that past.

VERDI AND THE SCAREDY CAT

My cat has become quite the scaredy,
He hides when I play Aida by Verdi,
As the trumpet march solo begins,
My cat's on needles and pins,
And, I step to an opera march parody. 

THE BEE IN KALAMAZOO

 Mike caught a bee in his kalamazoo, 

It hurt real bad, Mike didn't know what to do,

Mike rushed straight to the ER,

They caught the bee in a jar,

Where the bee came out, there formed a boo, boo.

MUNKS, SQUIRRELS, BREAD AND HINDGES

 The chipmunks and squirrels are now going to war,

Now winter is here, and neither thought to nut store,

The chipmunks have loaves of bread,

That puts them a bit ahead,

The squirrels have three hinges, from someone's screen door.

THE URBAN LEGEND OF SHED MAN

 Mr. Marnie sold a type of pre-fab shed,

He was a real nice guy, when on his med.

One night his med ran out,

Marnie had an anger bout,

By morning half the county was cold dead.

EXPLODING TOILET AND WET UNDER MY BED

 I had holes in my toilet, and I filled them with lead,

So the water on the floor, didn't run under my bed,

Then, my big cousin Ed,

Just eats black beans and bread,

He exploded my toilet, now my toilet is dead.