MAKE A TARIFF YOUR SPECIAL PET, AND YOU'LL BE POOR, I BET

 I bought a little pet tariff, and he sits out in the trees,

He never moves at all, except when he's bending in the breeze,

This sounds kind of funny,

He only eats money,

Feeding my tariff, makes me so poor, I fall down on my knees.

WANTED S'MORES, AND I GOT SORES

 I went to Canada, to buy stuff to make tasty s'mores,

I had to sneak into the place, with my boat that has oars,

Not a very easy ride,

There's sea monsters, at low tide,

After battling monsters, my body was covered with sores, 

BAD KING JAR HEAD

I use to be a great, and powerful, big king,

I ruled over the entire Earth, everything,

But, they all said I went too far,

Now, my head's pickled in a jar,

And, the People taunt me, with mean songs that they sing.

MOVING TO GREENLAND TO ESCAPE THE MADNESS

 Retirement savings has tanked so much, I'll have to move to Greenland, to retire,

I'm not so smart that I know why,

But, the stock market, it done die,

And, I borrowed money for some heats and eats, to my mortgaged dump, I say goodbye.

OFFICER IN CHARGE OF WEEKEND NAVAL OPERATIONS

 Every Friday, my mate the sailor, went adventuring, down low,

He went cruising with his big submarine, to places, he did not know,

He would dive down a couple of leagues,

Slipped on his rubber battle fatigues,

That way he never worried, about any place he happened to go.

IN THE BELLY OF THE LITTLE, BABY BIRD

 I once had an enormous chicken, and his name was Little Dick,

Little Dick was a feisty, rooster, and his comb was long and thick,

Dick's friend was an itsy, bitsy Beagle,

The Beagle was taken by an eagle, 

The eagle grabbed the Beagle to feed to its last surviving chick.

TRINA'S MISDEMEANOR POEM

 I visited my friend Trina, She's lodged in the town, clink,

Trina fell off a low garden wall, after too much to drink,

Someone called for the cops,

Sirens raced through all stops,

I bought Trina a dress for court; it's long, frilly and pink.

BACK TO WORK: OFFICE

 Monday, office, sick,

Coffee, pastry, candy, sick

Anti, acid, gas.

HAIKU: SPACESHIP UP, THEN DOWN 🚀

 Dynamite, Boom, Up

Up, Up, Boom, Boom, Metal, Hunks

Down, Crash, Money, Burns

TRINA AND THE ROTH FOR THE GOTH SLOTH

Trina went out into the primordial woods, and found a three tailed sloth,

The huge sloth was dressed in black, with black makeup, in a style sort of goth,

 Crunching bones and making flesh tears,

The sloth was eating grisly bears,

Trina was a sloth tax advisor, and sold him an IRA, called Roth.

IF A TREE FALLS IN THE FOREST ON SOMEONE'S HEAD...?

 A big tree fell at the top of a forest hill,

Nobody heard it,  except maybe, Forest Phil,

Phil did not hear the fall for long,

Before he heard an angel song,

Poor old Phil was the first, hilltop tree, kill.

QUICK RHYMES

 Leon had a tater,

Maggie had a tot,

Jay had a tomater,

Donny had tooth rot.

DOOMED TO RUE THE DAY

I cannot afford groceries, boohoo, boohoo,

We voted in a criminal, what can we do?

How could anyone know,

How bad things would go,

I fear our election, the whole world will rue.

SANDALWOOD TEA.

 I always love my sandalwood tea,

It just tastes awfully good, to me,

You find the flavor in the store soaps,

Sometimes, the kind sold on the soap ropes,

Caution:  Tea before bed makes one wee. 

THE TROLLING FOR MONSTERS SONG

Refrain: 
I troll for monsters in my little tin boat,
To give my village a fantastic feast,
And, to catch a monster historians note,
So, I'll be remembered for trolling for beast,
　

I was trolling for monsters way out in the bay,
I thought I had caught one when my line spooled away,
But, it was negative rub,
When up came the sub,
Then, the sub dove and I followed, good day.

Refrain:　

I was trolling for monsters way out in the bay,
Then, a big one swallowed me and my boat all the way,
My mind was real dizzy,
As I was digested in fizzy,
Now, as poop on the bottom I lay.

Refrain:　

I was trolling for monsters way out in the bay,
When I fell in love with a monster some fishermen say,
Our first hatched we named Barry,
Was both scaly and hairy,
He married a walrus, and moved to LA.

Refrain:

First Published Jun 22, 2013 LeighCollinBrandt.com

OLIGARCHY IS MALARKEY

 I went to beg the oligarchs for a bag of dried, red beans,

My kids are just all skin and bone, and dying from the too leans,

The ollies all said no,

Now my kids won't grow,

I won't have to worry about clothes; the kids won't outgrow their jeans.

BIG PRETTY BALLS OR SCIENCE?

 I don't believe in learning science, any science at all,

Why hurt my brain leaning science, when I can play pretty ball,

Pretty  ball, pretty ball,

I can play with pretty,

When I need more, I'll steal it from mom's wallet, or pretty mall.

Voting For Insane, Leads To Food Insecurity Pain

 I best get down to the grocery store, 

My leaders have declared a big trade war,

Food prices are real high,

They'll soon sail to the sky,

We were in great pain; we voted for more.

POVERTY, AMERICAN STYLE

 I went to grammar school today, but I did not get any meals,

Government fellas shut them down, so they could see what they could steals,

Mama says that we're grocery poor,

Her check too small to afford a store,

Today I know how granny feels, because they canceled Meals On Wheels.

FATHER FOSTER'S EGGS AND WINGS

 Foster is a nightingale, and at night he sings,

After eating dinner, of bugs and other things,

Foster had to quite, quickly marry,

His egg-filled girlfriend, Carrie,

In this case fatherhood, clipped poor old Foster's wings.