Flaky Jake's Liver & Spuds

 I went down the road to Flaky Jake's,

For one of their crisp, potato bakes,

Served with spiced, raw liver,

A cow was the giver,

And, a pint of root beer, cures my aches.

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ABOUT EVERY NINETY DAYS

 About every ninety days,

Henry had a fair job that pays,

To pay the late rent,

To fix a car dent,

And, to buy hair color for grays.

MR CREAMS CREMATORIUM, AND FOOD BAR

 I fancy dressed, went outside, and took a westward turn,

To Mr. Creams Crematorium, where granny would burn,

They opened the crematorium doors,

For roasting pork hot dogs, and making s'mores,

After cooking over granny's bones, then we did adjourn.

THE POGO-STICK FUNERAL

THE END OF MY POGO-STICK

I ran over my pogo-stick with my old car,

Now I can't pogo, jump high or jump far,

So, I just thought it was best,

To lay my pogo to rest,

Some thought my pogo stick funeral bizarre.

 

PAULSON PAWNED HIS PORN

 Paulson took his porn down to the family run pawn store,

He dreamed of getting $1,000,000, maybe much .more,

The store was owned by mom and pop,

They poured through the porn, bottom to top,

They offered Paulson 10 cents each, because each page was tore.

THE BEE IN KALAMAZOO

 Mike caught a bee in his kalamazoo, 

It hurt real bad, Mike didn't know what to do,

Mike rushed straight to the ER,

They caught the bee in a jar,

Where the bee came out, there formed a boo, boo.

MUNKS, SQUIRRELS, BREAD AND HINDGES

 The chipmunks and squirrels are now going to war,

Now winter is here, and neither thought to nut store,

The chipmunks have loaves of bread,

That puts them a bit ahead,

The squirrels have three hinges, from someone's screen door.

THE URBAN LEGEND OF SHED MAN

 Mr. Marnie sold a type of pre-fab shed,

He was a real nice guy, when on his med.

One night his med ran out,

Marnie had an anger bout,

By morning half the county was cold dead.

EXPLODING TOILET AND WET UNDER MY BED

 I had holes in my toilet, and I filled them with lead,

So the water on the floor, didn't run under my bed,

Then, my big cousin Ed,

Just eats black beans and bread,

He exploded my toilet, now my toilet is dead.

IN WINTER I PREFER TO CHILL

In winter I prefer to chill,
Cooking steaks outside upon my grill,
And with my soda pop,
That I'll drink non-stop,
I'll dine outside till I'm blue in the gill.